Praying for Difficult People
Prayer stands as a powerful, yet often under-utilised, lifeline for managing and transforming challenging relationships. Instead of harbouring frustration, resentment, or distance, prayer encourages us to invite God into our struggles, allowing Him to mould our hearts to mirror His. However, Jesus's mandate to love and pray for our enemies presents a profound contrast to our natural inclinations (Matthew 5:43-46).
In our lives, anyone—even close companions like friends or spouses—can transform into an “adversary” through miscommunication, harsh judgment, or misunderstanding. While we might perceive ourselves as wronged, we must still own our response. Failing to recognise someone as an adversary often leads us to evade Jesus's directive to pray for them. So, how do we pray for those we find challenging?
Unlocking New Depths of Grace
The thought of praying for difficult people may initially seem daunting.
Yet there is beauty in the challenge, for it is in giving that we receive; in pardoning, that we are pardoned (The phrase is a line from The Peace Prayer, often incorrectly attributed to St. Francis of Assisi.).
Jesus reminds us of the reciprocal nature of mercy, indicating that the mercy we extend becomes the measure of mercy we will receive (Luke 6:36-38). By committing to such prayer, we initiate a transformative journey within ourselves, unlocking new depths of grace, forgiveness, and self-discovery.
Consider the apostle Peter's question about forgiveness, wondering if forgiving someone up to seven times was sufficient.
Jesus counters, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times" (Matthew 18:22).
This call to forgiveness emulates God's boundless grace and holds the potential to reshape how we engage with those who have wronged us.
Praying for Those Who Hurt Us
Praying for someone who has hurt us is not about adopting an air of superiority or detached sympathy. It's an opportunity for spiritual growth. Skipping over challenging individuals on our prayer list ignores the honesty and grit that true communication with God requires. During this wrestling, when we earnestly petition for our adversaries, God is invited to shape us into more of His likeness.
When I consciously began praying for my adversaries, I was grappling with a tense relationship, consistently pulling back and justifying my stance by focusing on the other person’s flaws. I asked God for guidance and prayed for this person’s pride and perceived lack of awareness. Several months later, they admitted their pride and expressed openness to revive our relationship. At the same time they noted my own shift from encouragement to criticism—a point I received with grace having been prepared by prior prayer. Our relationship evolved toward mutual understanding, trust, and unity through the shared acknowledgment of our weaknesses. This transformed not just our interactions but my heart as well.
Emulating Christ's Heart in Prayer
Amid acute betrayal and unspeakable agony, Jesus pours out a prayer that shakes the world:
"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34).
This act of love, displayed in his plea for his persecutors, showcases the perfect harmony of grace and truth (John 1:14). As Christians, our calling is to pursue a similar harmony. Through prayer, we express our honest perceptions and progress from devastation to seeing others as God sees them—recipients of His redeeming grace.
Praying for difficult people helps us resist bitterness and directs our hearts towards trusting in God’s sovereignty. Becoming more Christ-like through this process fortifies our faith and exemplifies the gospel in meaningful, transformative ways. Let us persist in prayerful intercession for our adversaries, confident in God's renewing work within us and our relationships.
