To grieve well in a season of change
It’s been said that “change is the only permanent thing.” Our lives are filled with all kinds of changes, some of which are pleasant, some unpleasant, and some that require time to adjust. But while we all know that change is inevitable, we don’t realize that grief is a typical response. Some of us don’t process the shifts around us because we were taught that it is best to not think about it. Others don’t know how to grieve the past, present, or unknowns of the future. But at some time in our lives, we all face grief as we experience the loss of something or someone we love.
Grief looks different and feels different for everyone. It can range from losing a loved one, mourning the loss of a relationship, or even the death of a dream.
I have dealt with grief in various seasons of my life. I grew up in the United States as a “Third-Culture Kid” (TCK). A TCK is someone raised in a culture other than their parents’ homeland. Most TCKs have gone through several complex life experiences and are accustomed to changes. As a result, most TCKs have grieved the loss of things familiar to us.
One of the most difficult seasons of my life (as an adult) was when my family and I decided to transition our entire life from the U.S. to India. The U.S. has been my home for over 40 years. All my significant milestones occurred in the West; from elementary school to college to marriage. I birthed all three of my children, developed healthy community and friendships, and my relationship with my Heavenly Father began in the U.S.
But currently, I live in a country where I may look like everyone else but am still unsure of my place. As you can imagine, this shift required many grievances as I had to restart life and relearn a new culture. Oddly, I had immense peace with this calling to be obedient in this transition. There is an unexplainable joy and satisfaction in life that accompanies obedience. But, that does not mean that it is still easy. Leaving behind familiarity is something I am still learning to adjust to as I am now a Third Culture Adult.
Some may dismiss the sadness and replace it with busyness or perhaps experience a lack of motivation to do anything at all. We struggle with overachieving our to-do list or binge-watching The Office on Netflix while eating Cheetos and Oreos. Whenever we find ourselves in this cycle, it’s helpful to identify and process what we are grieving.
For example, as someone who grieves before the change occurs (pre-griever), I simultaneously lament the past, present, and unknowns of the future. Unlike a post-griever, who dismisses the present emotions and chooses to process them later, a pre-griever grieves before the anticipated change occurs. I was grieving the past season of all the good and yet challenging moments of growth. I remembered the career and comfort I left behind, lamented that my friends and I won’t raise our children together, and grieved the uncertainty of the future. What will the rhythms of life look like for my family? What kind of resistance will we meet? Will we be accepted in this new community?
How do we grieve well? In essence, grieving well is an invitation from the Holy Spirit to meet us amid the grief. Grieving well means to grieve with hope.
Practically speaking, three things have helped me to grieve well.
1. To remember God keeps His promises (Hebrews 10:23, Duet 31:6)2. To remember that God is present (Isaiah 43:2)3. To remember that God hears me when I seek Him in prayer (Jeremiah 29:12-14) God is kind to us in these dark moments. He draws our eyes to Jesus and the good news of the gospel. As a man, Jesus knows what we are experiencing because He has dealt with grief and anxiety. And as God, he can carry our sorrows and comfort us with a peace that surpasses all understanding. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin (Hebrews 4:15).
Therefore, we can go to Him, knowing that He will receive us. He reminds us that we’re not alone and will meet us amid our anxieties. He has comforted us by His Spirit and gives us the grace to walk in obedience to him each day. And when He does this, our grief becomes a gift from the Lord that enables us to experience His grace. With the presence of the Holy Spirit, we can grieve well.
